Happy Father’s Day To My Late Father Henry M. Tompkins II

Wow! Just writing the headline made me tear up.

I have been dreading to do this all week, but I know it was necessary I share something. I knew I had to do something in memory of my father on the first father’s day since his passing. Some of you are aware of the nature of my father’s death and some are not. Since his passing I have not shared anything regarding it. Why? I guess I wanted to do it at my time on my platform.

This past January, my Father made the decision to take his own life. In 2016, he suffered a major stroke which left him unable to walk. That took a real toll on him physically and mentally, for he was a very independent man. He lived wheelchair bound for 3-years.

I have many regrets in the last years of my father’s life. I wish I would have seen him more, I wish I would have called him more, I wish I would have gotten things off my chest, I wish I would have told him how much I loved and cared about him. But I didn’t and I am living with those regrets everyday.

Although I wish I would have done all those things, my father was an intensely private man. He kept A LOT of things in, which made it very difficult for people to help him during his last years. But, as his daughter I can’t help but wonder if I could have made a difference in his decision had I been around more.

For the past few months I have been going to counseling to help me through this time. In therapy I have learned that when a person dies by suicide this is something that they have been planning for a while and there is nothing a loved one can do or say to alter their decision. As much as I wish I would have made more memories with my father, the reality is he was suffering and although I know he knew I loved him and would do anything for him, he couldn’t get past the illness in his head.

Losing a loved one to suicide is a tragedy on top of a tragedy. It is a pain that hurts deep and is a void you have to live with everyday. Losing someone by suicide you are not able to ask them, Why? You are left with so many unanswered questions that you have to try to figure out by yourself and you still may not find the correct answer. The needing to know is never going to stop.

Through my tragedy I want to try to help others who are struggling with mental health issues. I want them to feel that they are not alone. There is help they can seek. So for celebrities like Taraji P. Henson and news medical correspondent Dr. Jennifer Ashton to use their platform to spread awareness on mental health and suicide is a huge step forward.

We have to end the stigma on mental illness. It is okay to ask for help, that does not make you weak, it makes you strong to actually start receiving the treatment you deserve.

I was not able to help my father. However, I do want to be a research tool for others. That is why I created The Blog. I want my blog to be a place where people can learn and express themselves freely with no judgment. If I only help one person, that would be enough for me.

If someone you know is struggling emotionally or having a hard time,  you can be the difference in getting them the help they need. It’s important to take care of yourself when you are supporting someone through a difficult time, as this may stir up difficult emotions. If it does, please reach out for support yourself. 1-800-273-8255